Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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