you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
