my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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