what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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