New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
wow bdsm is so cute
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