This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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