what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
