I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
