I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
