To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
