i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
