the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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