1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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