John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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