so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
