guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
