She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
