I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
