Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
