This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
