Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
