Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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