Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
