ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
