.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
