I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
