so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think I sprained my soul last night
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
