I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
