So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
