im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
