i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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