he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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