i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
