i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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