I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
