Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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