You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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