Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
