Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
