your parents love me but you hate me
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
