One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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