the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
