That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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