then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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