she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
