i already hear my dad disowning me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
