You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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