Whatcha textin bout Willis?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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