he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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