i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
time to smoke my breakfast
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
