dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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