I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well I just put wine in my tea
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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