he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
