When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
