On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
