I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize