This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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