just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
