need another drink. this is the easiest way
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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