guys are not supposed to queef...right?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
